Dear Aven

This is a letter that we wrote for Aven and read at her Memorial Service:

Dear Aven, our beautiful, precious, sweet, little baby girl,

There are so many things we wanted to tell you, so many things we wanted to you know, and now that you have come and now that you are gone it seems that that the only thing that really matters is to tell you how much you are loved.  Aven, we love you.  You were conceived in love, carried in love, and born in love and all we ever wanted to you know was love.  We got to love you for such a short time on this earth, but we know that we will love you always, for time and for all eternity. Our loving you and missing you will never end. You carry a special, sacred place in our hearts and you will be with us forever.

Your time with us here was so short and we wanted to give you so much. We would have given you so much. There is nothing we wouldn’t do for you.  If we could have fixed you and made you whole we would have.  We would have given our own lives if it meant that you could have had yours.   

Although it is not much we did give you a name that is special to us.  You are named Aven, after the Mountain Avens which is the national flower of Iceland where the name Bjarnson originates from.  Your sister, Lynnea was named after the Linnea Borealis which is the national flower of Sweden, where mommy’s maiden name Engstrom originates from.  We wanted our two beautiful girls to be our two beautiful flowers. 

And this name we chose for you – years before you were born ended up being the perfect name for you.  The Mountain Avens flower is found in the artic regions.  It is a hardy flower that is able to survive those harsh conditions and thrives in them growing on the mountains.  You, our little Aven are just like this flower, you were strong, able to strive the harsh health conditions that afflicted your little body and thrive inside your mommy for 36 weeks when we were told that we could lose you at any time.  You survived and you thrived.  You were the strongest and most active of all our four children up until the very end.  You were still moving and kicking all during labor and when you were delivered you tried to move and cry and fight some more but it was just too hard.

The Mountain Avens is a white flower and white symbolizes purity.  You are the most perfect, pure thing that we have ever seen and ever felt in our lives. You are an angel.  A visitor from heaven.

And just as beautiful flowers can bring joy and comfort to those who receive them you have brought us so much joy in the mist of heart ache and were able to comfort us during this heart breaking experience of knowing that we would lose you. We will never forget the gift of comfort you gave us a couple months ago when we saw you in a 3D ultrasound.  During the ultrasound you smiled at us.  Here you were with all of these health problems and in such an imperfect body and you smiled and were so happy.  You were curled up against your mommy as happy as could be. You were happy to be with us. And we were so grateful to have you. You and Heavenly Father gave us that perfect love spoken of in the scriptures that “casteth out all fear.” The fear of losing you that you were in pain and suffering was replaced with peace and comfort and you gave us that.   

Your middle name is Hope.  Your daddy gave you this name.  You are our hope.  We hoped so much for you.  We hoped we would be able to keep you. We hoped you would survive.  We hoped for a miracle. And we received hope from you, our Aven Hope.  For now it is through you and our Savior, Jesus Christ, that we can hope for a better world, a better place even on the right hand of God.  You will help us get back to our Heavenly Father’s presence.  You are there with him now.  You are perfect and if we want to see you again we will have to live our lives worthy of that same blessing and live the teaching of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to be able to see you again and to be able to be together forever as a family.

We made you a special video to a song that describes how we feel about you.

“A visitor from Heaven
If only for a while
A gift of love to be returned
We think of you and smile

A visitor from Heaven
Accompanied by grace
Reminding of a better love
And of a better place

With aching hearts and empty arms
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came

A visitor from Heaven
If only for a day
We thank Him for the time He gave
And now its time to say
We trust you to the Fathers love
And to His tender care
Held in the everlasting arms
And we're so glad you're there
We're so glad you're there

With breaking hearts and open hands
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came”

Aven, You are such a gift to us.  It was such a privilege and honor to be your earthly parents. We will be forever grateful that you picked us. You are a rare and beautiful treasure that we will cherish for eternity. To be able to feel of your purity and goodness, your sweet, beautiful, precious, perfect spirit while you were with us was the greatest blessing and gift we have ever known.  We got to hold you and hug you and kiss you.  We got to give you a name and a blessing while you still had life inside you.  We were able to have your brothers and sister see you and hold you and love you and give you kisses. We were able to sing to you sweet lullabies and rock you and enjoy your loveliness. Because of you we held a piece of heaven in our arms and we will never be the same again. You changed us forever and the rest of our lives we will be working, hoping, and striving to be good enough to get back to you and be with you again someday.   

We send you with our love, with our gratitude, with our hearts.

Forever yours,

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

Mountain Avens Flower