Life and genetics are sometimes not fair

I have never been very gifted when it came to science.  I always understood enough to get good grades in school but I never really have thought myself very smart or knowledgeable when it comes to anything to do with biology, genetics, and chromosomes.  I could have never imagine that one chromosome could do what it does or that having an extra copy of one could completely change everything.  Aven has an extra chromosome 13 and I guess it has attached to all the organs in her body and caused anomalies.  I have tried a few times to wrap my head around this and to try to make sense of why this happened, but I guess I just came to the point that sometimes things just happen and it is just part of God's plan for us.  God didn't let this happen to punish us or to punish Aven.  It wasn't because we did something wrong. And even though we might not understand the why or the how or much of anything it seems at times - I can understand that God loves us.  But just because He loves us doesn't mean that our lives will be free from all care or sorrow or unfortunate events - from bad things happening.  It doesn't mean things will be perfect.  Sometimes life is just not fair.

How could God make life not fair? I remember as a child thinking life was fair. It was quite a shock when I came to realize that this is not the case. I thought that everyone else who was telling me life wasn't fair was wrong. How could god make life not fair for everyone? It took a few more years and lots more learning and life experience to realize that there are things like agency, choices, obedience, God's plan for us and His will. I had to learn a little about these before I came to realize that I was the one who had the whole life is always fair thing wrong.  Life is not fair, but that doesn't mean that God is not God or that we should be mad at Him or doubt Him and His love and goodness.  Again, He loves us but that doesn't mean that bad things will never happen to us.

God gives us trials to help us grow. More than 10 years ago I heard something that has stuck with me almost every day since I heard it and I don't know who said it or the reference, but it went something like this: "Our trials are the price we pay to know God..."  When I think about the hard things that have happened in my life I think about how I have turned to Heavenly Father and to my Savior Jesus Christ and how they have helped me get through.  I have came to know God more because I have needed Him so desperately and He has been there to comfort me and to help me grow.  It has been something that I would have ever wanted or chosen to go through and I have wanted to wish all of it away, but when it comes down to it in my heart I wouldn't trade those trials away now.  I wouldn't trade the knowledge of God, that He is our Father and of our Savior, Jesus Christ away.  He knows us and he know what we can become and who He wants us to be.

There is a video that has been helpful the past couple days about this subject.  Sometimes I have felt that God is trying to break me, to cut me down. That everything that is going on in my life right now on top of the situation with our little Aven is too much and I can't do it. David and I have talked about how it is hard not to be mad or upset or bitter at times.  We try to do what is right, we serve, we go to church, we try so hard to be good people.  It is not fair.  But then this is the answer that comes like in this video: " “I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to do.”

There is a reason that God wants us to have this heart breaking hard experience with our baby girl, our little Aven.  We don't know the why, but we can try to have faith and trust in the gardener, our Heavenly Father.  He know what He wants us to do and to be.